What is a “Top”?
The term “top” refers to a person who takes the dominant role over the submissive or bottom. This could be a woman taking the dominant position in bed with a man, or in same-sex dynamics, it is the person controlling the pace and flow of the scene. It is also used in homosexual circles, both male and female, to denote the same dynamics. In the gay male circles, it is commonly used to denote who penetrates who.
Being a top is not specific to BDSM nor does it have to be in a D/s dynamic. It can simply refer to the preference of one party to play the more dominant, aggressive, or controlling role. Male and female dominants are by default Tops.
Topping from the bottom is a scenario when the person being penetrated or is in what is normally a submissive position is controlling the action. Service tops are those that desire to fulfill the needs of the bottom but may not identify as a dominant, but will play that role.
Good tops or dominants are described as strong, creative, and emotionally-intelligent by those who serve as their submissive or bottom partners. Tops usually provide their bottom partners all the things that they cannot give themselves. This is basically the reason why tops anticipate the needs of their submissive or bottom partners and at the same time read on cues that may indicate their partners’ mental state.
Dos, Don’ts & Tips
- Oftentimes, a top takes complete control of his/her submissive partner.
- Communication and consent are always key as well as taking care of your bottom emotionally and mentally.
- If Topping takes on more traditional D/s dynamics, the same rules apply for Doms and subs.
- Aftercare is essential not only for the submissive or bottom partner but also for the top, or the dominant partner. The best thing that a submissive partner can do is to simply ask the top if he/she needs aftercare.
- Even in non-BDSM contexts, many bottoms and Tops need to feel like they performed well and took care of the needs and desires of the other.
Related Practices and Fetishes
The term used to describe two dominants sharing control in any BDSM relationship or activity is called co-topping. In this specific BDSM scene known as the co-top scenario, the two tops or dominants share control in an arranged approach.